Tuesday, November 30, 2004

And it all comes down to...

+ + +

It was raining all day yesterday. The morning was murky (well, that was what i described it, ok?) and well, wet. I woke up feeling murky myself, since i hadn't slept a wink due to intense paranoia and an insatiable mood to just think (i ended up nursing instant coffee at 3am in 711). My sweetie went up to our friend's room to use the net and check out the tube while i feigned sleep.

Things weren't fine, at least on my part because i was still having the guilt trip about my sweetie waiting for me all the friggin' time due to work (see previous blog). I decided to get out and do something other than think crazy thoughts. I shopped at Rustan's for some fruit and stuff we needed, and checked out the goodies at mag:net (at least i got my mom a gift! yehey) Finally, after some more activities (i.e., mail check, cleaning, etc.) i headed out to the room and hung out with him, bringing my peace offering for my strange mood: mixed fruit. After watching some tv, we finally got to settle my paranoia/drama queen queries, which made things a lot easier and nicer. I can't believe how weird i was getting until we finally talked :-P I guess sometimes my PMS does get the best of me. Yargh.

+ + +

My love, thank you for being such an understanding person. I cannot express myself decently enough without getting too mushy --- you are such a sweetie! mwah!

Monday, November 29, 2004

end of a long weekend?

It's a holiday today since GMA declared it, so tomorrow (the official holiday) we can all work (mas madali, mas masaya daw) *sigh* Some weekend this is turning out to be. For starters, my PMS is wreaking havoc on my emotional and mental state that i fear my demise is coming. For another, the stress factor hasn't exactly diminished this weekend, since i keep thinking about a lot of things -- work, my sweetie's impending leave for the States (it's only 3 weeks, but still!!!), and yes, my current spending spree. Yargh.

Ok, so let's breakdown: The work thing has stressed me out since i had to work Saturday afternoon (against my will, mind you) and left my sweetie exploring greenhills by himself. I feel bad, guilty at the least, because i promised myself that given he has only a week left, we'd be spending time together. *sigh* This compounds stress factor #2. Because of the work, we rarely spend time together, and whenever we do, i get childish and fight over the most mundane things (due to stress factor #1) I know i shouldn't feel this way, but sometimes i get depressed that a), i can't spend as much time with him as i can and NOT be picky; and b), soemtime she can be insensitive about the whole thing. By that i mean, he's physically here, but his brain is somewhere else already.

I am happy and excited for him that he'll be seeing everybody familiar again and all that. I just feel weird about being with someone whom you know isn't "here" as you are. I mean, i feel like i'm an accessory to his existence for the time being. Like all people, i want to be valued in the company i am with, and as much as i try to be noncholant about all this, i can't help but feel miffed. At times it gets soo bad that i feel that i should just leave him alone for the rest of the week so he can thoroughly enjoy himself without having me to disturb him... Still, as much as i would think that, i find myself feeling guilty and bad for not supporting him and being happy for him. Hence, you see my demise here. So what is my final answer? I will try to be more supportive and happy, even if its kills me. Hopefully, his insensitivity will pass (either that, or i may totally control myself from being too bitchy about a lot of things)*sigh* I love the guy. He drives me nuts sometimes, but i love him. Pass me the prozac, will you?

Anyhoo, to have something to do for the weekend, we decided to venture out to the malls and do the xmas shopping bit. Never was i soo overwhelmed about spending! For everybody: It is BAD to do your xmas shopping if you are stressed out or having bizaare mood swings. I ended up doing so much damage to my wallet that until now i am in awe of how much i spent for gifts. YARGH. Despite all this, however, i was able ot spend time with my sweetie, and for that i am glad.We pored over gifts and nice pasalubongs for his family and friends, and i got to buy some cool gifts for my family and friends too. We enjoyed a good late lunch (@ Cibo!) and yes, even managed to check out some stores at oh-so-busy MEgamall without losing our wits. Quite an accomplishment, considering it was a Sunday, and a sale at that!

+ + +
My friend Lucee posted this recently and i think it's lovely:

Heart be still
your senseless beat is beginning to
irritate my senses, sending false signals
touches of fire woven into my belly of sighs
laments and unspoken wants.

+ + +

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Trading up

i finished it. finally. It's pretty interesting. Will give full review next blog.

highlights of the week so far

thanksgiving part deux

Suffice to say that thanksgiving day started bad for me. The workload was getting to me (and it still is) since Christmas is nearing and i am inadvertedly in work mode 24 hours because of the friggin' deadlines, i wasn't exactly over the paranoia drama that i was having, and on top of that was having major mood swings due to PMS. Argh.

I dunno what's wrong with me. I've been suffering some serious mood swings that i feel like i should be taking prozac and talking to a shrink for real. It was soo bad that i had to talk to Mary through the phone in the middle of the day so i wouldn't bolt out of the office and disappear. *sigh* I blame it on a lot of things, but most i guess i blame it on myself. I feel that sometimes i am just out of it, and get stressed out over the most minute thing. What the hell is wrong with me? My worries resurface so easily at the oddest times that i can't hold a tight rein on it and not let it affect me for the day. Yargh. Now i feel like a complete idiot.

Nway, i decided to chill with some friends, meeting up with Lucy, Mary and Herb at the exhibit opening at West Gallery. Apparently it was a group exhibit, which also featured my good friends Ferdinand and Nona. The works were fab (as always) and i loved the installation/mixed media works Nona did.

We headed out for CPK for dinner, since Mary needed to use up her gift certificates. Twas good, we ordered some good grub and talked over gal stuff, work and current rants. Lucy and i caught up on news and the current guy she's scouting (read her blog) while Herb told us about her awful PM.

Checked out Freedom bar with Jason after dinner (we hooked up after his thanksgiving dinner --- a slight miscommunication through text there, but we managed to smoothen it out and meet up, yey!) to meet up with Sonic. Turns out it was metal night, or something of that sort --- the bands were pretty loud. We ended up playing pool next door and drinking beer. The pool hall was a mess, to say the least, with its mismatched chairs, uneven tables and somewhat interesting crowd --- some guy friend of Sonic's mistakes me for someone else and tried to flirt (a pathetic one, but ok, since he is a friend, i was polite to him), but we had a good time nonetheless. Jason and Sonic had a couple of games, and Obey even managed to show up and shoot some pool! Twas pretty fun to see the guys again and we carried on with the drinking at The Meat Shop.

The Meat Shop is this spot along Xavierville Ave. that mainly functions as an actual meat shop by day, selling pork, chicken and beef. At night it transforms into this "bar" serving P18 beers and good pulutan. It's gotten the reputation to be the place to get cheap beer, cheap food and cheap booze, not to mention some interesting action once people get drunk and rowdy.

Nway, we stayed there talking and drinking, with Jason buying this Korean alcohol that was pretty intense (i forgot what it's called). Sonic's friends from the village were also there and we got to meet and chit chat with them for a bit.Twas good, i found myself reliving college life for a bit, and managed to have a decent "hanging out session" with Obey and Sonic, not to mention introduce and have them hang with my sweetie. We had a grand time, and i'm really glad that despite the poor start of the day, it ended FINE!

+ + +
MTV, E'heads and the taxi ride

My boss, Pao, gave me tickets to the MTV Asia Awards last night and so, rather than waste them by not going, Jason and I went over to the Fort to check the place out. Good thing we did! It was pretty fun, with free food (the hors d'euvres were great -- we couldn't stop eating), free drinks (Heineken!?! But i rather have the red wine...) and yes, good music (ok, so we only watched Bamboo since we left early, but still, it's Bamboo!!). So what else was there? Games, talkative and LOUD hosts (as if teh mics weren't enough) and all the shiny happy people of Makati,apparently. We lingered over the food and booze more than we did over the event though, heheh...

We headed to Saguijo later to check out the Eheads Night, only to arrive there too early. People (including the bands) were just arriving, so we checked the exhibit upstairs -- kewl! It was an exhibit by Patty and Maria. Great stuff! We checked out while Twisted Halo was playing to look for smokes, but found none, so we grabbed the next taxi we saw coming our way.

BIG MISTAKE. The taxi driver was apparently high, his driving was poor and totally terrible, and i felt like throwing up after the ride. It was sooo bad that upon arriving, i had to take pain relievers to stop my head from exploding. *sigh* Yargh! I had no choice but fall asleep to relieve my pounding head....

long weekend....
It is a loong weekend as i spent my afternoon slaving away at work. ARGH. My boss obviously has a life : WORK LIFE. WTF!!???!!! ITs friggin..... argh.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Thanksgiving day blahs

Today is thanksgiving day. It's a holiday of the US to celebrate their country's pilgrims' first dinner with the indians, or so my sweetie tells me. I'm not much into thanksgiving, but i greet the obligatory "happy thanksgiving" all the same ot those who are celebrating it today :-) For my significant other, it's a holiday and he has a date with friends tonight to have a buffet dinner at this really posh hotel. As for moi, I am "celebrating" it by checking out some really fab paintings at the exhibit opening in West Gallery.

Why are we not celebrating it together? Hmmm... well, for one, money reasons: the "buffet" costs Php875/pax --- for me, that's a big WTF!?! since A) i'm not a big fan of buffets (i can only eat twice at the most, so that'll be like, P400 per meal), B) most of the food will be stuff i can't eat (turkey, meats, etc.) and C) the tradition is something i have not grown up with, so it'll be kinda weird. Strangely, it may also be because of the secret reason D) i was not invited. :-P Suffice to say that i am a bit pissed. After all, thansgiving is not an everyday occurrence. But anyway, we hope to meet up after the said dinner.

Unfortunately, the planning was well, quite weird, to say the least. As much as he wants to meet up, he isn't sure at all. What does that say to me? My paranoia can't help but surface a bit, and i feel a bit dejected at the thought of him not making any effort at all to meet up. I keep asking myself if this was what i wanted, or is this just the way guys act. I kept reprimanding myself not to lose it or be too freaked out, after all, it's just dinner...

Perhaps it's not just that. He'll be leaving in a week for a month-long stay back home, and well, already i'm missing him. SUre, it's only a month, but who knows, right? Nowadays he acts distracted, and i can't help but feel that he can't wait to be rid of me (or something to that effect). I mean, it's getting to me sooo bad that even i think that i should just stop this right now and get out of his life, for both our sakes. *sigh* My paranoia kicks in overtime at times. But i can't shake that feeling off... I just hope it's all in my head.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Some news

RP officer sent home for alleged shoplifting

After reading this, i can't but cringe. When will we learn? Most people bitch about our country's regression but still opt to do the bad thing. Geez. Tangina talaga. Nakakahiya. Kahit gaano pa kadami na ang nasabi, ganun pa rin nangyayari. Pohtah.

+ + +

In the UP front, we have ourselves a new prez. Congrats to the new person in charge! (though it has been quite a while since i stepped unto the grounds of my alma mater) Here's to better education, progressive teaching and learning and yes, less budget cuts. :-)

+ + +

Ok, on my last note: the illustrated poetry book endeavor that my cousin Aurelio Lopez III and I did is finally up for sale. Check it out here. The book design can be done better (i wish they made me do it, yargh) but i'm glad it's finally up. :-)


Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.
Token pic of the sweethearts (naks!) on the eve of the 24th bday (coincidentally it was our one-month anniv on the same night) :-)


Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.
My inuman buddy/bro/ka-gmik Sonic and me sharin a kodak moment during the bash. He stayed for a little bit, but had to leave early. Dude, nasa akin pa yung cooler mo!

FA peeps and then some

Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.
Here's Jordz, Anton and Herb, some of my kewl friends whose love for music and the arts have inspired me a lot --- Herb gives me the push to learn something new everyday (my constant yearning to learn more has led me to take up a sem of MA classes --- she's doing her thesis right now), JOrdz's creativeness constantly pushes me to be more experimental on my art, and Anton's love for music and Korean Movies bonds me with him and Manila (i miss our vcd marathons!)

MORE pics!

Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.
as promised, i will post more pics of the grand "cocktail" party (aka bday bash) i had on my 24th day. Here's Haydz with Carla and Hirosh -- di ba cute?

midweek rants

+ Some people just DON'T get it +
Not surprisingly, the nature of my job escapes most people, especially people who are NOT inclined to what i do. I have been given a notice regarding my so-called work hours, reprimanding me for being late most of the time and yes, unable to perform well because of this. I just DO NOT get it. My work entails on-call jobs, tedious work of designing and implementation (not just click-clicking of buttons, hello!!!) and most of the time, manual labor (i.e., those 5 thousand boxes i need to make before the christmas season starts), not to mention logistics and follow-ups on printers, etc. SHEESH. I cannot understand that my tardiness (which i make up for by working throughout my lunch and supposed merienda time) is being scrutinized simply because i am not punctual. I thought this friggin' company wwas output-oriented! Fuck this.

+I'm missing my friends!+
I was reading pika's blog earlier and i must say, i'm missing my barkada... I'm missing some serious chillouts, and yep, my gal pals! It made me wonder how, after being so close for such a long time, did we end up barely hanging out these days?
Ba't kaya? Di kaya dahil lahat ng gimik nasa Makati o Ortigas? Di kaya dahil sa sobrang tagal ko nang di sila nakakasama ay nakalimutan ko na kung paano makisama sa kanila? O di kaya dahil ibang-iban na ang mundo ng lahat?Minsan naiisip ko rin baka dahil hindi nagsasalita ng Tagalog ang kasama ko, nahihirapan makipaghalubilo and barkada sa amin, o kaya nahihiya sila. Ewan, minsan, nalulungkot ako mag-isip na baka dahiul dito kaya kami di na nagkikita. Naiisip ko na rin na baka lang dahil sa ibang -iba na rin ang mga gusto ng mga kaibigan ko na hindi ko na rin alam o nasasakyan dahil sa sobrang tagal na naming di nagkikita...
I rarely find time to hangout these days anyway, and most of the time i'd be spending it in QC with my sweetie and/or our friends. (Though I admit, these days, i opt to spend time with him, since he'll be back in the States for Xmas next month). Still, i miss the gals' night we used to have at Eastwood, the impromptu coffee talks and some serious chillout sessions we do. Maybe it's also because i haven't been exactly that visible in the last couple of group gimmiks. *sigh* Anyway, i do hoope that there will be a group gimmik soon, so we can once again re-group and bond. Yey!

+Murphy's Law is stalking me+
No matter how much planning you do for the day, work never gets done on time (if it does at all). I am currently wasting time away waiting for final approval on my menu boards, due tomorrow for the printer. *sigh* What they say about punctuality is sooo not happening on this aspect of the work. I cannot believe i wake up this early to just stare at my computer like this. Sheesh. This is the reason why i do NOT go to work early. hahaha.

Monday, November 22, 2004

post-weekend musings

+work plus flu sucks big time+
I was at work on a Saturday due to some big project we have going due Tuesday this week. Big deal right? It is, when you're nursing a pounding headache, work-related stress and trying to "relax". Of course, i felt bad since the past two days i wa sout of the office due to said sickness. *sigh* So much for resting. I had to do some pick-ups of photos (aka messengerial work) in the rain. SHIT. My job and actual job description do NOT are not in sync.

+exercise is good+
Ok, sometimes you do need a bit of a push when it comes to the E-word. Yup, i have been decidedly become a couch potato the past few weeks, mostly due to work stress and the need to just chill. So yesterday, we decided to stop the madness and actually get some exercise. We swam a bit at the deck pool, and walked around the Ateneo grounds. Considering my lack of movement, i was puffing away after about 10 mins of merely walking. *whew* i can feel my heart move. seriously.

+ sometimes my drama queen syndrome surfaces +
Perhaps it is this state of hysteria/paranoia that led me to think that my sweetie thinks the worst of me. Frankly, my insecurities has risen to the surface more often than i can hold them in, and we had our first non-screaming bout of stand-offs last night due to some stuid remark he made. Of course, my nerves and weird behavior had something to do with the fact that as soon as i said it, i started the waterworks. Dammit. Hence, the cool silence for the next few hours trying to hol don to running emotions and settling matters peacefully. (we did, thank God!)

+ + +

My mom recently texted that we may be moving soon. WHA--!?? apparently, we may be moving apartments before the new year comes in. Nope, not to somewhere really far (the new place is in TV, after all) but to a more secure area. It's cool though, there will be more space, more bathrooms (yey!) and hopefully, more hanging out areas. Still, i am unsure on how to go about with this. This would mean moving expenses, moving worries and yes, more moving scenarios.

I am not particularly fond of the physical act of moving. I love the idea of something new, change, etc., but the actual transition stresses me a lot. Perhaps its because things, as much as you plan them a certain way, never really work out the same way. Also, people you encounter or help you out with this become instant enemies the minute you argue over something as little as, "where to pu the vase". *sigh* I've moved in and out of a number of apartments throughout college and post college, and i tell ya, it is STRESSFUL. *sigh* One can only think of the results to appease one's emotional upheaval.

+ + +

While i was doing my thing, my friend Lucy was chillin' with the idea of renewed singlehood. I wonder sometimes why she endures MHB's lack of interest/commitment. I just hope that this renewed interest on playin' will not get her heart broken again. That aside, i salute here feisty spirit and her unwillingness to succemb to such madness that is pining. You go girl!

Thursday, November 18, 2004


Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.
Pedicab is comprised of artists who come from different bands creating some funky mix of music that's both scintillating and lovable. Asteeg!

the roomies

Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.
it took me a looong time to post this, but i finally did!! :-) This was taken on the eve of my friend Yuma's performance. Yup, that girl definitely rocks!

FA_peeps hangin'

Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.
the few, the sweet, the kewl peeps! Some of my FA pals and gals took their time off to greet and hang with me on my 24th day. Sweet! :-)

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

The aftermath of the long weekend

Highlights of the long weekend

Travelling by bus can be torture. Or worse. Deciding on the friday bus ride to Baguio was perhaps the smartest decision we made for the weekend. Apparently the rest of Manila had the same idea --- go to Baguio for the weekend, enjoy the cold (?) air, make like thieves in the night and take the friday bus. We arrived to the chaos that was the bus terminal at 1045, expecting to get an 11pm ticket. How stupid of us not to consider it's a long weekend (and payday at that!) The line was atrocious, and we ended up getting a ticket for a bus that was leaving at 3am. Whoo-pee doo.

Have a plan. Have more than one plan. Had we waited for Sonic and friends to go to Baguio, i think we may never have made it there. They have been eeriely silent despite my nth message re: when and where we were going to stay in Baguio. Luckily, my cousin Aumer got us a reservation at one of the rooms in her place --- asteeg!it's big, clean, quiet and yup, cheap. Best of all, my cousin knows the owner, so we got to have a lil' bit more freedom when it came to using the facilities.

Make like a toursit and do the sight-seeing bit.We opted to do the "tourist" thing and check out the spots --- walking was a good exercise, despite the growing pollution problem (what do you expect, Manila peeps with their cars and vehicles were doubling the pollution). Fantastic sights at the Butterfly place in John Hay, as well as interesting stuff at the Commissary, and yep, we had to go through Narda's for the required look-see of bags, et al. hehhe. And of course, since we were staying near the grotto, we couldn't resist a trip to the top --- in less than 5 mins! :-) whoo-hoo! (Not bad for a couple who haven't been exercising for a couple of months)

Food, glorious food! The two days and one night that we were there was perhaps a lesson on food 101. We were staying near the famed Salud! resto, so we had a scrumptious dinner. Cheesecake at the John Hay Manor was heavenly, as was the dinner at Cafe by the Ruins (we were hoping to grab some lunch there, but had to move since they were sooo many people). A little bit of caffeine dose at the local coffee place in Legarda, as well as Ruins tea topped off our meals.

Wake up and Smell the coffee! Checked out the public market for some take-home goodies and ended up buying some fruits, coffee and --- yes--- more coffee!! We had some whole beans (as well as ground beans) from the local coffee shop (Kape Umali) which pereked us up all throughout the time we had them.Yes, they smelled great, but after a while they just began smelling. And smelling. hahaha. On the way back the bus started to smell like coffee. :-P

+ + +

Divisoria, part deux

On the afternoon of Monday (a holiday declared by el Presidente Macapagal) Mary, Jason and I trekked to Divisoria via the MRT. Twas a a nice afternoon and yes, i got to buy the stuff i needed for work. We got to check out the lovely yest people-packed Tutuban Center for items and decided to move to Quiapo to source out some martini glasses i needed.

What's amazing about Divisoria is the extreme variety of everything found in one crowded place --- all sorts of items, sold from the cheapest price, to the most expensive; people, from the richest to the poorest, all in one giant market; the roads disapppear as carts and carts of items stop in the middle of the road, consuming the space meant for vehicles; selling and buying everywhere; Oh the madness!!!!

Jason and I decided to take a pedicab to Quiapo. (Mary opted to stay in Tutuban, checking out more goodies.) Anyhoo, we arrived at the famed Public Market, where we bought food for dinner (and get the martini glasses ordered!) and yes, sample the local goods the place had to offer. Jason splurged on his fave shakes (Php 6 a glass) and some pomelos (heheh) while i ate some corn on cob and looked over some of the street food that looked oh-so-yummy. :-)

After a tiring day, we managed to get back tothe MRT and head off to Katipunan. Ahhh. It feels soo good to get out of Manila!

+ + +

Friday, November 12, 2004

5 things

5 songs that's stuck in my head:
*Must Get Out -Maroon 5
*The Luckiest - Ben Folds Five
*I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas - Goldfinger cover
*Sunday Morning -Maroon 5
*Dy'er Maker - Sheryl Crow cover

5 things i did before coming to work:
*Stayed in line at the bank to encash payment
*got stuck in traffic
*picked up stuff from the printer
*talked to my brother on the phone
*chewed gum on the way to the office

5 places i wish i was in right now:
*boracay (again)
*in a five star hotel's swimming pool
*at home with my sweetie
*in Italy
*chillin' with barkadas

kewl ness!

Plug into Dino Ignacio's site for some really fun stuff. Asteeg!

Also, have a look-see at Orisinal for some fun and games.

I wish I'm somewhere else...

"...And so, one of things I like about Europe is the healthy attitude towards sexuality and sensuality: it's so open, it's not dirty. You see people kissing in the streets of Paris and people go "Aaaaaw, l'amour" (on the contrary, you see people in Makati kissing and the reaction is, "God, PDA!") It's just love. And with love comes discovery with your partner, in all aspects, sex included." My friend Kala tells about her folks' kewl atittude about sex, love and the life and i am sooo jealous. I wish my folks were more like hers.

I hate to say it, but my mom's one of those "close-minded gossips" she was talking about. I guess it's all about the upbringing. She came from a really conservative family whose idea of being up close and personal with your significant other was having a ring on your finger and exchanging vows. Yup, and you guys have NOT done it yet. So, in reaction to my brother's current status, as well as my own, my mother has created this melodrama about how we are becoming the loving son and daughter she has always thought us to be (this is in short of saying that we were ---gasp!---"living in sin").

For the past few days, my family members have been keeping tabs on me, some subtlely, others blatantly aggresive (i.e., my mom). It's funny how this comes into the scene every time i get involved with someone. Call them paranoid or concerned, my family has always been THISCLOSE to making me leave the country because of their constant scrutiny. Of course, it's not that i don't appreciate the concern. I do, it shows that they care about me. What irks me is that the extent of this concern at times crosses the line of being insane and offensive (see previous post for more).

In exasperation (and a need to bond with siblings) i got to talk to my older brother earlier. It's funny, his concerns about our folks mirrored mine and we never really discussed it till recently. Apparently my mom has been gossiping about me to him, and vice-versa. He told me his side of the story and defended me to my mom ( love you bro!) for everything i've been doing. I know we haven't talked as much in the past, and we rarely hangout when i get home, but i am so glad that despite this, we have each other's back. It's amazing how comforting his word is to me, especially nowadays. He's been through what i've going through right now, with my mom and my dad, maybe even more, but i really admire how he handles himself with them, always patient and understanding. I wish i can be like that. *sigh* Anyhoo, he's been supportive and really cool about the whole thing, and for that i'm glad. Thanks Manong.

*sigh* The holidays are coming up. I dread going back home for this kind of melodrama.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

FA week '02, e-love letters and the like

Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.
Going through some old emails i came across pics sent by babar.

It's amazing how cool College Week was back then --- no curfews, zany guests, interesting events and yes, a great concert that brings people from the UP Concert into our college perimeter (that is one BIG pull, considering it's UP Fair and most people would flock to the Sunken Garden). These days people have been "classified", organized and unfortunately,cleared of any memory of the glory days of FA. I say glory days because it was not merely the physical chaos that showcased the creative, almost psychotic state of arts and culture in FA, it was everybody's state of mind that said "Fine Arts is not merely education and technical know-how; it's a friggin' way of life, a mindset that is unique and against the flow. It is not merely thinking; it is creating something unique and doing what is not in the norm." Nowadays i see normally-clad individuals trying to do something creative in an environment that demands order and mediocrity with its rules and regulations. *sigh* so much for creativity.

Searching through these i also came across several email correspondence i had with my last love. *sigh* how bittersweet the memory of love is. I stop and read some, and unknowingly read some more before i stop myself. I guess you can't hep but miss the guy, after all, he is - was - really sweet. No hard feelings on both our parts (i hope!) and for that i'm glad. Am i merely being sentimental? I hope that things are ok on his end.

Anyhoo, i am hoping for a cooler FA week for next year (still looking for something to the ones i remember). :-)


Tangina talaga!

Ba't ganun?
It sucks to use GUILT to get your way! You of all people should know the meaning of "living your own life". After all, this is what you've been hammering into my head since day one, remember? I just do not understand it that when it comes to actually doing this, you have to suddenly drop emotional bombs like the ones you've been texting since last night.

WTF!?!? How can you even think that way? He certainly does NOT think that way of me, so how could you? My own flesh and blood?!?

Friends tell me you're just being "concerned", but hell, ever since i've known it you have beentrying to sabotage my life with all that emotional drama. Even when i was young, you would think that any relationship i had with the opposite sex was conniving and bad. Pucha, kasalanan ko ba na mga karamihan sa mga kaibigan ko lalaki? Ganun ba? Pokpok na ba ako dahil dun? Hindi mo man lang naisip na marami akong kaibigan na lalaki dahil trip ko mga trip nila, at walang masamang intensyon ang mga ito sakin? Tsaka, ano ang hinaharap mo sa kanila? Hypocritical bullshit. Leche. You of all people should know about this since you've had your share of hypocritical bullshit from your enemies, even from family.

You say that i will end up like people you know who fucked up their lives. Shit, after all the lectures and "advices" i've gotten these past years, i was NOT the one who ended up pregnant, miserable and without a freaking idea of what i want in life. Those who told me shit like that were the ones who did. Just because i chose not to be an overachiever and actually enjoy living my life does NOT mean that i am squandering it away. In fact, i am living it, not exactly the way YOU want it, but the way I WANT it.

I am not one of those girls to sit idly by and let everything just "come" like that foolish notion of a guy who will "save" me from whatever shit i am in, or get me out of mediocrity and bring me to the "happy ever after" part of life. I AM NOT LIKE THAT and you know it. So why all the fucking melodrama? Why do you want to make me feel bad about something i have consciously thought about, decided and took pains on working at? Why are so fucking scared that i am --*gasp!* -- HAPPY?

It's not that i don't heed your advice or give you respect or whatever the hell it is you want from me. All i know is this: I have thought about this, we have discussed this, he is fine with it, so are everybody else; i assumed, since you welcomed him and all, so would you. After all, I am friggin' 24!! And yes, i was NOT coerced, nor did i get into this blindly as you may think i did. I thought this through, i have my own reasons for doing this. Do not make me feel cheap and embarassed by my decision by telling me that i am. You only think that way because of your concern? PLEASE. The fact that you think that way about me only shows me how much you really think about your own spawn. *sigh* And i thought we were ok.

FUCK this.

I hate the fact that you use that meternal hold and parental guilt trip even until now. SHIT. Salamat sa pagtitiwala mo sakin. Even after everything we've talked about in the past, where the fuck is the trust?!!?

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Tara na sa Avilon Zoo!!!

For the next activity, i want to go to this place!!! Tara na!!!

pancakes, workload, et al.

As part of the "home cooking" experience, Jason and I decided to have pancakes for breakfast earlier.

The thing is, Jason isn't so fond of pancakes. (Yup, it makes me wonder too --- why the hell not?) He likes them fine, but if he were to choose something else, say, eggs or toast, he'd probably get those before he touches the pancakes. So it was quite a novel idea to get him to agree on pancakes. hehehe.

I tried the pancake mix we bought last weekend --- an organic, multigrain mix which promises to be an excellent one since it was "personally sowed, and expertly made by hand". WTF!?! I was quite amused by what i was reading from the box (some marketing ploy!) and giggled at the thought of how personal their creation of the mixture was. :-P Anyway, however extreme(?) their process was, the mix resulted to great pancakes --- fluffy, filling and yes, quite easy to prepare.

We had them with guava jelly and bananas, a personal choice of mine which reminded me of my weekend in Puerto Galera (i had them for breakfast, only it was strawberry jam and they had more bananas ---still, it was scrumptious!). We listened to Ben Folds Five's The Luckiest, which made me smile since the song was in my head since i woke up.

He really looks great, even with tousled, just-woke-up hair. Awww. (insert mushy music here!)

Ahh, this was a great way to start the day. Yummy... And Jason ate some pancakes!

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Work work work and more work. It sucks having to argue with a person over the phone about something she did but denies ever doing it. SH*T. So much for a good day! Still, i am happy that despite all the crap i had to deal with (6 projects all due for finalization today, plus coordinating with printers for a reasonable price--whew!) i will be able to leave work at 7pm on the dot. Yehey!!! :-)

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Reading my friend Lucy's blog and yup, her recent post totally mirrors mine right now. Despite the fact Jason and i are from totally different backgrounds, we somehow managed to be in sync and enjoy the uniqueness of each other. :-) I love that he's very charming and cares a lot about things, and especially passionate about science. I totally dig it how he is very much dedicated into becoming a doctor and learning more about life. His life is mainly rooted in the States while I have never set foot on land outside Asia (i've only gone as far as HK). This concern has actually been in our heads for the longest time but, as all things go with us, we're living for the now.

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Got to watch The Incredibles recently. Kewl movie :-) The plot was a bit on the family values theme, but i do enjoy the awesome action scenes and yep, had fun trying to figure out who lent voices to which character. Tee-hee. Dash reminds me of my lil' brother when he's excited and talks about something.

Monday, November 08, 2004

The Luckiest

Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.
I don’t get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I’d been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I’d be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there’s an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I’m sorry, I know that’s a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

Ben Folds Five

weekend trippin' part deux

Manila, Manila, I keep coming back to Manila...

Going there i had The Hotdogs' song playing over and over again in my head. Yup, that's where we were going! After a late night last friday, Jason, Melissa, Mitsy and I trekked to Divisoria early on Saturday (11am is early for a weekend y'know) to check out pirated dvds, cheap cheap goods and yup, stuff i need for the office.

See, things would have been easier if we took the mrt. Thing was, we had to drop off Melissa's cousin Louie along Quezon Ave., so we decided to do the "old school" way and ride an FX. Interesting trip, and i might say, it was cool to ride one of those again. Note: I do not abhor FXs or any mode of transportation similar to it. In fact, when i was living in Proj. * i used to ride it a;ll the time. It has been quite some time since i rode one though. Anyway, we took one and were able to get down Quiapo.

Quiapo church and "plaza" was something of an eyesore before, but they cleaned it up (thank God!). However, when we got there, the place was cosed down (weird for a Saturday). Anyhoo, we decided to bask in the scenery and check out the market. Lotsa goodies and stuff! I felt bad i didn't bring a camera to take it all in. Got myself some good ole' street food since i haven't eaten breakfast --- corn, some squid balls and yep, mineral water. It was exhilarating being in Quiapo again --- a lot has changed since i was here (back in college we'd go here for really cheap camera and photo supplies) , like the fact that the streets were nicer (well, there was a better semblance of a walkway, and th evendors were mroe lined up, hehe) and sincve it was Saturday (a.k.a. Market Day) there were a lot of items being sold, from pirated dvds to the cheapest fruit shakes (Jason swears they taste a LOT better than the ones we had in Bora).

An interesting ride to Divisoria commenced since we took another jeep towards Recto. Walked along the busy intersections before finally arriving at Tutuban, the "mall" in the Divisoria area. While they searched for DVDs, i went through the retail stores outside to buy some sinamay and some ribbons to use for the boxes i was supposed to work on for work.

What's amazing about Divisoria is that things are cheap and really easy to find here, despite the heat and busy traffic. They have specialty stores which can carry the most obscure items (there were two stores which just specialized on candles and wax --- anything and everything you need to make candles) as well as interesting retailers outside lined up selling kewl toys and items (i saw a bundle of Snoopy toys being sold for P10 a pile) I can hardly believe this is still part of Manila sometimes --- the crowd, the heat, the chaos! It's stifling yet engaging.

My legs could not take any more of the walking afterward, not can my body take all that heat and chaos. Soon my battery just died and i found myself numb to everything but the need to go home, change and get some rest. Even the ride in the new MRT was not enough get me back to my "perky" self, and i was crabby and easily irritated by everyone and everything that bugged me. Twas a good thing that Mel and I had the whole "massage" thing afterwards.

Divisoria is something that one can do when one is totally psyched for an entire day of walking, jostling and haggling. Sadly for me, i can only take a few hours of this treatment before succumbing to the strain.

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Cubao, cameras et al.

Cubao was another interesting adventure for Sunday. The idea was propelled by the need to explore Shopwise for groceries, particularly the outlet in Cubao (it was nearer than Libis). Jason and I went over to check out what Cubao had to offer, looking for a garment bag in Rustan's, Ali Mall and SM, and stopping over the Shoe Expo for some second hand clothes and nice shoes.

My ego had a crushing blow when he totally dissed my "dream camera" when we looked over some digicams. It's amazing how one little comment can totally blow you away sometimes. I felt bad that he didn't like it, but calling it "dumb" was a harsh blow. Admittedly, the design was not as elaborate as i once thought it would be, but certain features which i loved abpout it still made it a priority choice. I have been saving up for it for the longest time (try 9 months), and hearing how "dumb" the design was, I couldn't help thinking how dumb he may have thought me to be if i actually bought that thing.

I know it shouldn't bother me so much, but sometimes i feel that everything i do is just dumb because i don't know much about anything any more. I keep thinking that as much i don't really think much about stuff he likes, i never really dissed him publicly about it, not to his face anyway. It's one of those things i am still adjusting to, i guess. I couldn't help but wonder if this was really what he wanted, a girl who didn't know much about stuff. My whole insecurity kicked in, and i wondered how long before he gets bored with all this.

We didn't talk much about cameras anymore after that. I know i shouldn't make such a big deal out of this, but i guess personal shit hurts, y'know? Then again, perhaps i'm over reacting.

We decided to check out Shopwise for groceries, buying stuff we needed for the apartment. The place is a huge warehouse of goodies you can find for your home! I'm soooo in love with Shopwise!!! :-D I'm glad we were there, at least the ego blow i got earlier was lessened after seeing all the really neat stuff they had inside. We shopped for all sorts of stuff, from bathroom cleaning materials to groceries. One thing i love about him is the fact that he loves grocery shopping as much as i do. :-) After a "grueling" afternoon, we managed to get home before 6pm, passing by a sunday shoot of a movie in front of the building. After all the excitement, i'm just glad to be back in the apartment again. Whatta day!

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Friday, November 05, 2004


Now that i have checked and re-checked my blog for some typos, i have noticed the past few entries have been quite egocentric. So, to save you guys from more dramatics, here's a few links that made my online bogchi more satisfying:

Real life imitating Art?

If you're a fan of Stanley Kubrick, you might wanna look out for this merry band --- The Droogs invade Makati and make me want to rent A Clockwork Orange all over again.

The Onion's tribute to US Elections

Since the re-election of Bush, there has been an onslaught of interesting reactions. The Onion brings the best out with their hilarious pseudo-news.

Fashion schmashion

My day isn't complete without dissing or praisin' the fashion sense of the rich and almost mindless.

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It's the Weekend!!!

Despite the weather, i'm glad Friday's here. Yup, it's a rainy friday for me, and i just got in the office from the printer. Hmmm. It's been an interesting morning so far, with a short walk-through at Jason's lab in UP (i never knew his building existed, i swear to God) and a brief pass over at the printer.

It was great seeing Maan and Joey again! They own the printer shop i went to, and it's been AGES since i last saw them (i think the last time was a chance encounter at the mall). Maan is still looking lovely as ever, and Joey looks great and very settled. (Naks! heheh) I'm glad to see them and catch up on things.

The traffic was stupid and tiresome as usual, and the slight drizzle only made it worse. I'm just so glad that i'm finally at the office before it started raining hard. heheh. Someone up there likes me. ;-)

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Thursday, November 04, 2004


Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.
happy birthday to me... love that cake (ang sarap!)! This was a small yet fun-filled celebration courtesy of my sweetie. Thanks again to those of you who took the time to drop by! :-D

boracay's view

Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

token couple pic

Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.
yup, me and my sweetie lovin' the beach

beach bum

Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.
i love beachin'

mel and me

Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.
here we are at fabulous boracay! :-)

settling down part deux

Over dinner (again) my sweetie and I ventured into the conversation of settling down and being "boring". We reminisced about the days when everyday was a party day, always out till the wee hours of the morning, partying like there's no tomorrow. We'd be in Makati, at some exclusive party, or just chillin' in Eastwood. Somehow, after hooking up, we've morphed into this boring couple who prefers staying in to partying.

What the **** happened?

So we tried to dissect the whole phenom by tracing the reason why we were at these parties in the first place. Admittedly, our "contacts" were then also single, and living the nightlife; hence, the invitations were rampant.Nowadays they have their own thing, and some of them , after learning about ius hooking up, preferredto give us more tim,e with each otehr. Also, these days, work has increased, if not doubled, that after such a stressful day, all i want to do is have a good meal and curl up in bed. Another culprit was the fact that since Jason and I hooked up, we much rather spend time with each other than with anyone else.

So what happens now? We've become this couple notorious for being "party poopers" (we actually bypassed a thing at Eastwood for dinner), and this has got to stop! :-P We've made tentative plans for tonight to "stop the madness" --- dinner, spa with Melissa then drinks and a night out to town. That'll put an end to this! (insert maniacal laughter here)

As of this time, i am still racking my brains to do something that involves more people. Hopefully the spa thing later will rejuvenate me and give me some ideas...

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Adaw sang Kalag

It's been an interesting All Souls' for me this year. This being my first to celebrate Lolo's passing on, almost everybody from my mom's side of the family came home. My lola was beautiful as ever, my titas and titos boisterous as always, and my cousins, well, they keep multipying. As of this time i think i have more than 35 cousins from my mom's side of the family (we have some party every christmas, i can tell you that!)

I sympathize with my lola. I'm missing Lolo Kiddy so badly sometimes that i feel like crying everytime i see something that makes me remember him. My lola had several incidents like this since she came back from the US --- one time she saw my dad coming over and thought it was lolo Kiddy (yep, my dad is balding) and started crying when she found out later that it wasn't him. *sniff* Seeing his picture makes me cry sometimes...

I miss you Lolo.

+ + +

Since i brought Jason along, we had to do the customary thing --- get to know the family (immediate) and the "family" (extended). My folks and bros were cool about it, warmly welcoming him. Unfortunately, when it came to the night of All Souls (when he gets to meet the extended peeps) he got sick and had to stay home. Poor baby! As much as i enjoyed my night with my cousins and family, i felt bad he had to stay home and miss all that. After all, he met some of my cousins earlier and they were pretty happy to meet him.

It was interesting how curious my extended family got about him. My other cousin, who also brought her new bf along, got to be picked on all night (something that i was kinda dreading should i bring Jason along). So it eventually came down to the talk of who's dating who and all that jazz as the night progressed. It's weird, how this was taking place. As much as i wanted everybody to meet him (of course, the proud girlfriend, hahah) I was dreading the whole "interrogation" process my uncles seem to have a kick out of. I'm just glad my dad and mom were so nice to him. :-)

I'm sure if my lolo was still around he'd like him.

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Wednesday, November 03, 2004

back in manila

I am finally back.

Yup, the days have gone so fast and things have happened so quickly that i am almost afraid ithe entire weekend was one long dream. Celebrated All Souls' Day and Halloween in the province, and well, it was good to meet up and hangout with family and friends once again (after all, i do get to see them about twice or thrice in a year). Also, it was good that the peeps met Jason, and we got to hangout in the town i grew up in. It's not exactly the coolest place in the world, but i like it. I had my share of nostalgia as we had some Luna's arroz caldo, Biscocho house products, checked out the sinamay goods and yes, drove around the city. It's kewl to revisit the old neighborhood.

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Somehow i am still adjusting to the schedules. Back at home, i was up till the wee hours in the morning watching TV (they have cable) and enjoying the DSL my mom recently purchased. It was great! I would sleep in till 9am and not really worry about traffic (what traffic!?). Things were easier too. I didn't have to worry about the check in or the idea of being late to the airport (it was 15 mins away from my house,tops) and everything else, well, things are simpler in the province that if it weren't for the fact that the place was just TOO laid back. i'd be spending my days there.

Of course, i did miss the night life of coffee shops open till late, people out in the city at 1am, hangin out at the local bars checking out gigs and yes, chillin' with my sweetie without the paranoia of my folks freaking out on us.

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